16th april 2021
This day will be forever etched in my memory as a life-changing day. Although at the time I had no clue what lay ahead of me. I, like countless women diligently attended my routine mammogram appointment. I had no reason to suspect anything was wrong. I had no symptoms whatsoever of anything sinister going on in my body. There were no lumps, bumps, dents or pain in either boob. I had no reason whatsoever to be apprehensive or nervous apart from suffering the squashing effect of the mammogram machine. In my head I was doing a sensible thing, to safeguard my health and possibly my life ,like I’d done twice previously.
Just over a week later, I received a letter recalling me to the Breast Care Unit for a further scan. The letter reassured me that it is quite common to be recalled and that only 1 in 4 women recalled will be turn out to have cancer. I read the letter again and again and a little voice in my head said……you are probably the 1 in 4. The rational part of my brain however fought to respond….”don’t be silly”
it said…”you will be one of the 3 in 4″.
Sadly ,the first voice in my head was correct. I was a 1 in 4. I had breast cancer and my diagnosis was confirmed in May. As cliche as it sounds my world came crashing down around me. My life was about to change dramatically. I was so so happy before this happened I would often say to myself, “I’m too happy, something surely will go wrong”. Well here it was! Bulldozing its way into my near perfect life and throwing everything up into the air above my head.
Life would never be the same again.
Each Day Each day that goes by I’m one step closer
To feeling human once more
I struggle to remind myself
Of how good life can be
When my body won’t feel so sore
The laughter and fun
Never taken for granted
The rain, the snow and the sun
Precious times with loved ones
Excited to see my grandson
I have to be positive I have to be strong
Fighting this awful disease
I won’t let it beat meI won’t let it win
Even when I feel down on my knees
The futures for living
No more feeling bad
Look forward to good times
No more feeling sad
Enormously grateful for caring
People in my life
Knowing I’m lucky
To have them by my side.
My loving partner
Sons, parents both sides
Treasured friends and family
One day in the future
I’ll look back and be grateful
This will be history
But at quiet times I’ll remember how I feel today
Each day goes by and bad times can go away Xxx
Written by Wendy King 8th November 2021
2021…such a challenging year. After my scary diagnosis in April it was all systems go to get rid of the invader of my body and actually my life as I knew it. I have always appreciated my life and my loved ones within it but suddenly now my mortality was staring me in the face. I knew I had some difficult times to face with surgery and gruelling treatments to overcome the “Invader” that now had become such a big part of my life. It was the first thing I thought of when I woke in the morning and the last thing I thought of at night. It angered me that I was allowing it to invade my mind as well as my body and I was cross with myself for allowing that to happen. The physical presence of the disease was out of my control, I had to leave that to the medics to sort out and put my trust in them. My mind was mine to control. Affirmation I was told is key. Talk to yourself, in your mind or even out loud.” I am strong, I can beat this. My body will heal”. I have been able to do this at times, but sometimes I enter that dark, scary room in my mind with the voice that says” I might die of this ,it might come back ,it might kill me…”
I can’t share these scary thoughts with my loved ones as I don’t want those thoughts in their heads. I don’t want them to even consider that I might not survive the attack of the “Invader”. Selfishly I don’t want them to consider the world without me in it. I need to feed off their positivity. So affirmation it is!! To myself, in my head, out loud and to anyone who asks.
I saw a cardiologist a few weeks ago for a Cardiac CT scan. He asked me how my Breast Cancer had been discovered. I told him it was picked up during a routine mammogram and I had no outward symptoms whatsoever. I said “I’m lucky as it could have gone unnoticed otherwise and may have been too late for successful treatment”. He replied “Well I wouldn’t call being diagnosed with cancer lucky.” It made me realise how different we human beings are and confirmed that I am a “glass half full kind of girl”. Of course I wish I had never received that diagnosis but I live in hope that its been caught early enough to just be a bump in my road of life that I can overcome and leave behind in my history. I hope to learn lessons and that good things will come from it. I hope to live a long happy life with my loving partner by my side. Hope….such a powerful force, and is with me every day and night.